Self-Protection

An advantage of being willing to feel disappointment is that it enables us to come in touch with another hidden sin of the heart—self-protection.

Whenever we are disappointed, we naturally feel hurt and experience inner pain. Some people are so affected by this that a pool of pain builds up inside them, and they say to themselves: “People are a source of hurt. Stay away from them, and don’t get too closely involved.” They see noninvolvement as the best way to avoid the pain of possible disappointment.

But this attitude is a violation of the law of love. Lawrence Crabb, a Christian psychologist, says: “Deficient love is always central to our problems.” Behind most of our problems is a failure to love others as we love ourselves. If we refuse to move towards someone in the spirit of love for fear they may disappoint us, then we are more interested in protecting ourselves from pain than we are in loving—and that is sin.

Did you ever think of self-protection as a sin? Well, it is, and in my estimation it is one of the most subtle of all. Many of our relationships are ruined by this—particularly marriage relationships. A man who shouts angrily at his wife early in his marriage is setting up a self-protective system that says: “Disappoint me, and you will have to suffer the consequences.” What is he doing? He is protecting himself more than he is loving his wife. And that, no matter how one might attempt to rationalize it, is sin.

Further Study

Lk 10:25-37; Rm 13:10; James 1:27

What did the priest and Levite display?

What did the Samaritan display?